Tuesday

Today is Tuesday. Just a regular old boring Tuesday. But I guess it's not regular. I started this blog because I tend to be a pretty private person, but I don't want to be anymore. I'm 33 and finally starting to get what life is about. It's not about how MY life turns out, but about how my life affects others. It's about my imprint, what's left when I've moved on. Not the space I'm currently taking up. Does that make sense?
You see, my friend is sick. I don't know that she would call me her friend, since we haven't spoken in years. As a matter of fact, I only found out she was sick by chance. But she (and her family) are a sweet memory from my childhood. I remember all the animals they had and the noise! I remember swimming in this round metal 'pool' in her back yard. I remember that there was always a sense of freedom, of being a kid and running around outside, free. Whenever I think of her and her family, I smile and I'm instantly reminded of playing outside their house. Her being sick has me re-thinking my role in people's lives.
Do the people I've met in my life, that I consider friends, know that I think so fondly of them? Have I thanked all of the people that have helped me along the way? How many people have I "lost" because I stopped calling or visiting? How many people that I care about, are gone from my life for good? Can I get them back? Do I even deserve them?
Right now, all I know is that I love my friend. I've been putting all of my spiritual energy into praying for her and sending good energy her way. I don't want her to die. It breaks my heart to think of her in pain. It hurts me to know that her family, her mom, has to go through this. How can I honor my love for her?
This blog is my start. No more closed off RaChele. No more sitting on the sidelines of my own life. No more thinking about doing and more DOING. --r